Around September every year I start panicking cause I know what’s coming. Not Christmas, or another year older but rather…Summer.
Let me start by saying, if you love Summer, excellent. I’m not trying to convince you otherwise. However, why do the extreme Summer lovers feel the need to convince me I love it too? Every bloody year spouse and I have the same conversation.
Me: I hate Summer.
Him: HOW can YOU HATE summer?
Me: Because it’s uncomfortably humid and there’s flies and I don’t like the beach.
Him: HOW can YOU HATE the beach? (He really emphasises those words.)
Me: Because every time we go there we get stuck in traffic, have a fight and I spend a week washing sand out of my hair and bum.
Him: Mumble, mumble, Summer, weirdo, Un-Australian.
I have the same conversation with other people too and they just can’t seem to accept the fact I don’t like it. I don’t see why it’s a problem, I don’t go all operation Winter on their ass. I like all 3 other seasons just fine. And I’m sorry if you live in a cold place and find hot Summers a nice change. Frankly, if you hate the cold that much, then why the hell are you living there? The funniest is those people who find 19 degrees akin to sub zero temps. It’s sunny and 19 degrees in the middle of July, and they’re wearing beanies, gloves and a scarf and about to light a fire on the side of the road in a barrel. It’s Sydney, not Siberia.
But, but, but…the spluttering and incredulous questioning makes me sigh. What about air conditioning? Just get one of those. I would if I could genius. If I owned our place I’d be down at Bing Lee buying the biggest air con I could, have it installed by dinnertime and I’d be sitting under it refusing to move for the next 90 days.
But mostly, I find the whole promotion of Summer misleading. Chicks in bikinis flapping around drinking Coke and eating burgers without a fly or mosquito in sight. And just quietly, the humidity doesn’t affect their hair? At all? Please.
I know what you’re thinking. Perhaps Mez, you need to get in bikini shape and then you’ll love Summer. Nope. The one Summer (Note: one) I was skinny I still hated it. And in fact, several skinny friends in both hemispheres report they too, find Summer unbearable.
What it boils down to (Ha, boils) is that I don’t like feeling sweaty and sticky. I don’t see how anyone could enjoy humidity and 40 degrees. That’s just sick. But if you do, I’m not going to spend 20 minutes trying to convince you otherwise. And really why do you care how I feel about the whole thing?
So please, just let me hate on in peace and when Winter comes around again I’ll try to support you in your time of need.