Nervous breakdown! Nervous breakdown!

I may be having an internal nervous breakdown. Just slightly. It’s not showing outwardly…. yet.
Addison is due her 6 month needles.
Give. Me. Strength.
Don’t get me wrong, I am pro vaccinations 100%. It’s just that her 4 month shots were very traumatising, not just for her but for all involved. She screamed the place down, I yelled at my Doctor (thankfully she knows me, she knows I’m prone to the hysterical) and my Dad started crying in the waiting room. In fact the only person who stayed calm was Mum, bless her. As usual, it was a comedy of errors type situation.
And you see, it’s all my fault. Why you ask?
Simply put, I have passed on my needle fear. Somehow I have imbued Addison with this fear during her first 6 months on Earth. Or possibly whilst inside. She may heard me arguing with a very scary nurse at the hospital who insisted on digging around in my arms for veins rather than just accepting the fact she’d have to go in via the wrist. Or it could have been when close to the 40 hour mark of labour, a midwife suggested those fecking sterile water injections that were actually as painful as the back contractions and which when administered made me scream so loudly the nurse broke the needle off in my back from fright. (Note to self; water is NOT effective pain relief that far into labour when your 10lb baby is stuck.)
I think my fear has transgressed from being purely emotional to also physical as my veins actually hide. In general it takes 2-3 people about 5-6 go’s to get a vein. At this point they’ve tried arms, wrists, toes and even my neck once. It hurts. Like hell. And each time seems to be worse than the previous. I would not make a good intravenous drug user and I don’t donate blood, which is a shame really as I’m a lovely, rare A neg. Mosquitos love me.

So whilst I am worse with the taking of the blood I am by no means keen on injections. And Addison knows this. She’s like a wild animal who senses fear and thinks, well if she’s scared and an adult, then I’m outta here. Except she can’t run away so she just screams. Loudly.

I can’t put it off but I can make spouse come this time. My Dad said he couldn’t handle going through that again, it was too painful. Choice, choice of words Pa.

One thought on “Nervous breakdown! Nervous breakdown!

  1. Famille Renault-Koroschetz

    I am not as fearful of needle as you are but i hat to see my baby crying even if I know it is for a good cause. I tried and tried to get spouse to go at least once but he always found an excuse. I suspect that even as he smiles when I tell him how I cried when the nurse gave jai the vaccin he is quite happy to be avoiding that stressful moment. Jai doesn’t cry for long really but for me it is torture.


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