I am torn. I’m worried about Addison’s broken sleeping overnight but the sleep programs offer me nothing I can commit to. Up until this point she was waking for a full feed so I know it was hunger. However after careful note taking, we’ve cracked her ‘solids’ issues and she’s eating more during the day, so when she does wake now, it’s for a two second feed on one side and then back to sleep. I know it’s habit and comfort for her and it doesn’t bother me once a night but it’s now moving into 2, 3, 4 times and I’m knackered.
I am good at existing on very little sleep. I don’t need much. But after 8 months of it combined with my insomnia I’m kinda dying. (My tolerance levels for people are dangerously low and I fear for the life of both the people upstairs and the leaf blower man.) Today, after a particularly rough night, I am actually in physical pain. I feel sick. I also worry what the broken sleep means for her. She needs a proper rest overnight and there are some days where I can see she simply hasn’t had enough. And of course, she will currently, at most nap twice for 40 minutes to 1 hour only no matter how tired she is. What’s frustrating is, for a while there things were going quite well. Up once a night and two 1.5-2 hour sleeps. I thought I’d cracked it. Ha. Nothing like keeping you on your toes by completely reversing the situation huh, kid? But I know if I seek ‘professional’ help or even ask around, the most prominent advice will be to let her cry it out. (Followed by give her a formula top up. There is nothing wrong with my supply, it’s crazy abundant and again I know that hunger is no longer the issue.) I can’t do it. Shrug. I can’t. Now, there are some of you who will think I’m a marshmallow hippy for refusing to take this route but I have my reasons. I will also state that if it’s what you do, excellent. I have no issue with whatever you do with your own child. You do what works for your family.
Look, I have no problem with a baby and their settling cry, whinge etc. Sometimes they need to let off steam and settle this way. I don’t rush to Addison for every squeak. But I don’t believe that allowing a baby to scream hysterically in the middle of the night for hours is a good thing as some of the programs suggest. It’s simply too upsetting for me. Alongside this, is the fact we live in an apartment and screaming babies at 3am is going to affect everyone.
I just wish there was some other alternative besides CIO or permanent co sleeping. (I’m not moving her into our bed. She likes her cot and settles down fine at the beginning of sleeps in there and I need my sleeping space.) So really, I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no other answer and until she is older and will sleep through, this is it. I have to accept the inevitable and live with it. Whilst staying away from smug women who regale you with tales of their perfect sleeping through 6 week old.
If anyone has ANY suggestions for me I am willing to take them. Perhaps you can offer up a version of the CIO that is less distressing?
Or perhaps you could just deliver coffee. In very large amounts.