Julia Roberts’ Legs {I am very angry}

Edward: I was very angry with him. It cost me ten thousand dollars in therapy to say that sentence: “I was very angry him.” I do it very well, don’t I? I’ll say it again: I was very angry with him. “Hello, my name is Mr. Lewis, I am very angry with my father.”

Vivian: I would’ve been angry at the ten thousand dollars.

I am very angry. 
Hello, my name is Mez and I am very angry.
I have been toying with this post for a while and now here I am, suffering full blown insomnia finally writing it. Unsure because, do I want to share these thoughts with you? Open myself to the ones who judge? Well I guess I’m going to. I’m going to, because I was once told to Blog like no one is reading. Blog for yourself, write what you’re passionate about. I am not blogging for fame, I am blogging for reality.
 Because this is my blog and on the blog oath I swore, to always be real. So this is me, being real.

I’m not angry at anyone in particular. I am just angry. I have no specific vendettas or people I need to deal with. (Apart from those two biatches on MKR, whole other issue there.) My anger is not channelled towards a group or situation. I am just angry. 
I shouldn’t be angry. I have a very nice life for the most part. And I am very happy with where my life has led me and with whom. I have been blessed with the most amazing Spouse and our Smushy I have awesome friends and family, and my dream car. 
And I mostly have first world problems only. You know, rah, don’t want to vacuum. Bleurgh, bills. Eek, stubbed my toe. Which are, let’s face it, not really problems, just mere annoyances and would probably be welcomed by those who have to walk 15 kms a day just to get some water. 
But I am still angry.
Why?
I am not angry when I’m busy. I am only angry when I have time to think. When I can’t sleep. I have…. too many thoughts and the night is long. And you see, the thoughts have been collected and spun out and analysed and stewed over so many times, that I am now at explosion point. So, when people take my car spot or I am served by a rude check out operator I go from pleasant to dangerous in seconds. 
Why?
 I know why. 

Because I have, for far too long, done my utmost to please every one. I have been a yes woman who has agreed to things I don’t really want to do and avoided voicing any kind of variance for fear of putting people offside. Yes, I am outspoken and will speak my mind. But when it comes to some people, I have stayed silent. Which is stupid. Stupid because I don’t give two shits what half of these people think. Stupid because my real friends don’t care about always being in agreement. Stupid because I’ve wasted time and attention on people and situations that don’t deserve either. 
And so, I am angry and frustrated.
Angry at what has transpired and frustrated at myself. 
Why have I agreed to spend time with people who make me feel like crap?  Why have I exhausted myself to please others? To help out people who don’t appreciate it? 
I’m not sure. But no longer.

I don’t need  Julia Roberts’ legs for therapy. (Unless my legs can transform magically into hers please.) I know the answer. The antidote is this…
Just Say No.
Easy huh? (But also so, so hard. Such a simple word to choke on.) When I realised this, I felt a huge weight go. I am sorry world, but I cannot be your yes woman anymore. And then I realised something else. I am not alone. There are so many of us, chicks that is; who feel the same. So many friends who lament the yes woman tag, the need to please. We are angry women because we have turned away from ourselves and tried to be someone for everyone. Doesn’t work without burnout and resentment, sisters
At 32, I now know. And am OK with, the fact that you cannot like everyone (nor will everyone like you), do everything and be everywhere. It is OK
It is OK to admit I would rather stay at home sometimes than go out. That I want to be with my little family and surround myself with people who don’t make me doubt myself. That I can disagree with someone and not worry about the consequences. I am too old to be pleasing those who don’t matter.  
Cause those who matter don’t mind and those who mind, don’t matter….

I am still angry. But now, less so. With every no I choke out, I let go of one more piece of anger.


14 thoughts on “Julia Roberts’ Legs {I am very angry}

  1. Janet Camilleri

    You sound like my hubster! So much anger inside (nobody else would realise), because he still hasn’t learnt to just say NO. And as a result people are constantly taking advantage of his kind nature 🙁

    Reply
    1. Mez B

      Yes it’s awful!! I realised one day stuck in awful traffic with a screaming baby after agreeing yet again to meet people half a city away that I needed to learn the word!! Interesting how the same people won’t return the favour by agreeing to meet closer! Sigh.

      Reply
  2. Carla

    Hey! This is the first time I have visited your blog (from FYBF). Just wanted to say firstly that I am a huge fan of the Sookie Stackhouse series! Secondly…I understand your anger! “I am too old to be pleasing those who don’t matter”….Yep…but you know it took me to my mid 30″s to reach that realisation!

    Reply
  3. Kim Frost

    No is such a good word, and so hard to say. I’m not good at it and I always avoid it. I’m often angry too, and it comes from feeling powerless, like we’re not the ones in control. Just found your blog today! Glad I did. 🙂

    Reply
  4. Cooker and A Looker

    If only we could relive our twenties with the wisdom of our thirties! I hate feeling like I’m being taken advantage of, but often I’m the person who lets it happen.
    I’ve just finished reading another post about saying ‘no’ and feeling better for it. Hope it works for you too. xx

    Reply
  5. theviblog

    Mez I’m totally with you on this one. I’ve recently started to stand up to someone in my life who I’ve been walking on eggshells around for the best part of 30 years. But I just decided a little while ago that I’m DONE with making excuses for them and not fighting back becuase I don’t want to cause a scene. And you know what – it is a GREAT feeling! The person in question has had a rude shock – they don’t like to new me much at the moment but I decided that if they don’t get over it then that’s the way things are. My self-respect is worth more than that.

    I hope when the time is right you can make a stand and if those people don’t like it you’ll know they weren’t adding anything of substance to your life anyway. Wishing you peace and courage. Rach xx

    Reply
  6. Sophie Allen

    I also feel like this at times. I really have a hard time saying no, especially for close friends. I just bottle it all up inside.. arhh.. nice and healthy! eek.

    Reply
  7. Bree @ Twinkle in the Eye

    This was me and it made me very, very sick. That experience taught me a lot, including the fact that the world would not fall in if I did not step in or keep the peace, in effect, it allowed others to contribute positively in ways I could not. Accepting this was a huge weight off my shoulders and now I live more freely and actually have more energy and enthusiasm to give AND RECEIVE! Best of luck to you in finding balance.

    Reply
  8. Judy Haughton-James

    Your post certainly gives serious food for thought. When one tries to please everyone it can make life very stressful. Congratulations on being the featured blog on Flash Blog Friday. I am a new Follower of your Blog. Have a good weekend.

    Reply

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