I don’t like to give advice about parenting, mostly because I have no idea what I’m doing so it might be a moot point, however I am going to dispense this one gem. If you have kids, remove cacti. Seriously. Get rid of it until they’re old enough to understand that they are evil.
On Friday I was hanging out the washing (exciting life!!) and the Smush was playing next to me with dirt. Fine. Dirt good. Did not realise there was a cactus hidden at the back of the pot. After bringing her inside I realised her right hand was covered in literally hundreds of tiny fine hairs. That’s when the fun began. I attempted to remove them, this led to hysterical crying and vomiting. Next thing I know the skin between my fingers is literally peeling off before my eyes. I’m having some sort of crazy allergic reaction to the spines myself. Call Doctor, in between Googling and Doctor says ER now. BTW Googling reveals these tiny hairs can be quite bad for the skin, yeah no shit. Google Images reveals infections that resemble horror movie make up.
The doctors at the Hospital were quite amused by the whole thing. A first apparently. Spouse was quite taken aback by the age of the Doctor attending to us and kept mumbling things about Dougie Howser and was it wise for a high school student to be treating us. They tried to sticky tape the spines out, no luck. Soaking no luck either. So she was give meds for her reaction and we were sent home. By this point I had feeling back in my hands but had managed to spread them all over myself. At one point I managed to simultaneously swallow one and lodge one in my boob, awesome.
Over the course of the weekend she managed to get it infected (of course) and also developed a 39 degree fever. Not sure if it’s related, Doctor thinks no. And really, I think no too as she was not well on Sunday at all and had a multitude of other cold like symptoms. Plus you know, Murphy’s Law. I’ve just gotten back from our GP who has insisted on oral antibiotics as cream apparently isn’t going to clear it up, and strict instructions to get her into the sea water daily. No dramas there, Doc! Oh I should also mention that when Spouse went to remove the cactus he too was attacked. And then he left spines on the couch and my Dad promptly sat on them and now has one lodged in his bum.
Well played you spiky bastard, well played.
I just don’t know anyone who has as many comedy of errors type situations as me. (If you do, I’d like to hear from you!!) From cactus attacks to falling off treadmills to TV destroying tantrums the list is extensive. Still I figure, why do things by halves? My life is at least, interesting.
We are off to Fiji tomorrow! Yipee! I’m going to have a little blog break. Loads of people have asked me to take them in my suitcase, I have no room as Smushy’s clothes take up 3/4, however if you’d like to come along virtually, you can follow our journey via Instagram at #brassilsdofiji.
Stay Classy! And away from Cacti.