The Lounge {I am never, ever going to learn to surf}

It’s freestyle week in the Lounge and I’m feeling thoughtful. 
I have come to accept that I despite wanting to, I am never going to be a surfer chick. I am too afraid of getting eaten by Jaws. And trust me, if anyone is going to get eviscerated by a shark, it’s going to be me. Plus I hate the beach. 
I am never, ever going to like brown rice. It’s disgusting. It might be good for you but it’s disgusting. And someone is going to come on here and comment that actually it’s lovely and so good for you when actually it’s just, disgusting. And so because I don’t like brown rice I am never, ever going to be a size 0. Which means I won’t ever be Miss Universe. I will never sashay down the runway in front of Donald Trump and some D list celeb judges proclaiming that I love the world and brown rice. But it’s OK because I don’t want to have to get waxed to within an inch of my life and sticky tape my costume to my boobs so it doesn’t fall off. Plus I don’t want to smear Vaseline on my teeth to get that perfect smile.
I am never going to go on a spiritual journey to India and I am never going to backpack around the world. That’s OK. I suck at meditation and also have a very weak core and would fall flat on my face if someone strapped one of those bastards to me. I would rather go to Disneyland again. And stay in a hotel. With room service.
I am never, ever going to enjoy antique shopping or perusing art galleries. I am never going to prefer foreign films to horror movies and I will never enjoy gatherings of pompous people pretending to be grown ups. As a result I’ll never be on the society pages. Big M’eh.
I am almost 100% certain I am never going to give birth naturally. My fate is c-sections. I am fine with this. I will never, ever understand why some people aren’t though. 
Do you ever think about the things you’ll never do? Are you at peace with this?

12 thoughts on “The Lounge {I am never, ever going to learn to surf}

  1. Kim Frost

    WOAH Mez have we been inside the same brain or something? Here you are all ‘I am never’ and there I was all ‘I used to’… all on stuff we won’t be doing and how we’re ok with it. But HOLD ON lady. Falling on your face? That’s my domain. Back away from the falling on your face. Backwards. So if you trip over something, you will fall on your bum. You can have that one.
    Otherwise? I’m ok with all of it. xx

  2. Mother Down Under

    Ha ha. When I moved to Australia I was totally going to be a surfer chick. And then I realised I am not coordinated enough to walk let alone balance on a moving board. I am not a huge fan of early mornings. And I don’t think the beach either.

    And camping. I hate camping. I don’t get it. All that packing up and unpacking and cleaning? Give me a hotel any day…a toilet and hot water are good things.

    1. Mez B

      Eeew, camping. I hate it too. You know what I struggle with, being back in Oz? Not tipping housekeeping! I’m always looking for my ones to stick on the bedside table!! xxx

    2. theviblog

      Totally hear you on the camping. I WANT to be one of those “back to nature” camping types but the reality is I’m a city chick at heart. Besides these days I want my holidays to involve no work at all, where as camping is ALL work from what I can gather!

  3. Sarah

    You hate the beach …. I’m struggling with that one … I’m never going to go up in a hot air balloon however much I want to because I’m terrified of heights (cant even stand on a chair to change a lightbulb). I’m never going to backpack around the world either and brown rice is one of those things like coconut or raw carrots, however much you chew it you just can’t swallow it!

    1. Mez B

      I do Sarah. I am a pool person. I love swimming but the sand does my head in plus I look like a beached whale on a towel. I too will never hot air balloon, because I’m afraid it will explode! x

  4. Mummy Manifesto

    I will never surf not for the sharks but for the fact I am unco-ordinated. The only thing holding me upright is gravity. I can’t roller skate or skateboard etc for the same reason. I will also never read 50 shades of grey.

    1. Mez B

      I will never read that ‘book’ either! I tried, then returned it to Target after one chapter. Apparently it gets returned a lot! x

  5. SlapdashMama

    Ok sometimes I guess I don’t mind it. But mostly I hate it. What with my pasty skin and flabby body and general neurotic fear of sharks. I HEAR YOU SISTER.
    I love antiques and art galleries though. I am basically an old woman in a sort of young ish woman’s body.

  6. NessofBoganville

    I will never do any of those things either. I will never be out-going or talkative. I’ll probably never even make it out of Boganville.Sigh. And yeah, not much of a beach person either.

  7. theviblog

    I’m never going to be “pet” person. Why would I want to clean up animal crap – I’ve only just finished cleaning up human crap and quite frankly I’m enjoying my crap-free existence way too much. Everyone in my house wants a dog except me. I’m stalling but I don’t know how long I can keep up the excuses!


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