Bogans that go bang in the night {Yes really}

I really wish I could figure out what I want to do location slash life wise. It’s all very speculative and what if’s and but this and yes that. But we really need to because we have to move out of this fecking apartment POST HASTE.
Please note, if talk regarding bogans and/or sex offends you, look away now.
Picture this. You’re snoozing away, having a strange albeit interesting dream involving the Kardashians and Westfield Chastwood when you are suddenly WRENCHED out of it by the sounds of frighteningly loud bogan sex above you. Yes. That’s right. The bed is thumping onto the floor so loudly it wakes you up. Look, you might think good on em. I on the other hand, need every drop of sleep I can get. Not to mention, I don’t need to hear their bedroom antics. Relax the pace or buy carpets.
(Seriously slow down dude, you’re not a jack hammer.)
Upon further investigation, I realised the thumping is actually carrying throughout the entire apartment and apparently to next door as well. (I know this because the dude next door stepped out onto his balcony and yelled something along the lines of keeping porno antics down and white trash inbreds.) Spouse woke up and his response to my seething annoyance was, “What do you want me to do? Go up and join in?” Not quite, was thinking more balcony yelling. Clearly he wasn’t going to help so I decided to take matters into my own hands before they woke the baby up. Thought about going down and slashing ute tyres. Decided that was bad karma stuff. So instead I grabbed a broom and started belting the crap out of the bedroom ceiling. Apparently Spouse didn’t agree with my plan as he started yelling at me about my lunatic broom antics. (Good name for a band.) 
Lunatic or not, it shut the bastards up. And it didn’t mark the ceiling. Of course I exacted further revenge at 6.30am this morning by allowing a rugged up Smushy to ride up and down the balcony on her toy aeroplane, complete with take off and landing sounds. I also shoved about a year’s worth of junk mail in their letterbox too. Sounds tame? Is not. I heard the she-bogan complaining about junk mail last week.
It’s the little things in life.
We really have to move.
I’m just not sure where. 

2 thoughts on “Bogans that go bang in the night {Yes really}

  1. SlapdashMama

    ARGHHHHH EWWWW! You poor thing. Get that Smushy out with her toys EVERY MORNING. We once lived briefly next to bogan neighbours who I am fairly sure were crystal meth addicts, because they had parties all night every night. And loud crazy conversations. The horror. Bad neighbours are the freaking worst.


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