The Mama Files {Sam from Little Pink Lines}

This week’s Mama Files is brought to you by the lovely Sam of the fantastic blog Little Pink Lines. Sam has written an amazing post that I so wish I had of read in the early days of Smushy; especially the part about books and routines. Next time, I’m freestyling. Thanks Sam, and best of luck with bub number 2! xx

5 Lessons of a Freestyle Parent

I’ve had a pretty normal life so far. I’m quirky, I admit, highly strung, a bit crazy but overall, nothing majorly out of the ordinary. I was given a wonderful childhood by amazing parents, I overcame depression and anxiety through my teens and early 20’s, but all in all, I’d say I’ve been pretty blessed. I’ve studied, had a career and run a successful business. I did these things before I even had an opportunity to start my family, but something was always missing, my cup remained half empty. I always knew one day, someone would call me mum, but life was making me wait. I realise now, I was waiting because I wasn’t ready. Then one day, the waiting was over and it was full steam ahead.  I met my soul mate, unexpectedly, at 26. We were married less than 2 years later and we were pregnant within 5 months of the wedding. J
It was then that the lessons, and with that, a wonderful life, began.  

 

These lessons would make me vulnerable and more afraid than I had ever been before, but would give me strength to be confident, fearless and brave. They would see me crying in shame and self doubt, but would teach me to have faith in my intuition and give me a belief in myself that I never knew was possible. These lessons taught me to be my most fabulous and wonderful self. Lessons that made me a person worthy of nurturing, loving and protecting another precious, precious life. Lessons that made me a mother and so much more.

So here are the things I have learnt on my journey so far and that had me embrace what I think is the very best parenting style there is…… FREESTYLE!

LESSON 1- PREPARE FOR THE LOVE

 

This is something I say often.  Mummas, prepare for the love. You will have been warned about the hardship of motherhood, the sacrifice, the sleepless nights and other rights of passage.  The love my friend, is mentioned far less often. It’s going to knock your socks off.  It’s ferocious, unyielding and unrelenting.  It doesn’t come straight away for everyone (that’s the honest truth), but I guarantee you it will come. Prepare to be blown away. The love is the most life changing lesson of all and really, you can’t prepare for it.

LESSON 2- BOOKS AND FORUMS ARE FULL OF GREAT ADVICE- BUT YOUR BABY HASN’T READ ANY OF THEM.

 

I love to read. J I love to research and plan. From the moment I fell pregnant I had everything planned out. I chose a parenting style that was mostly attachment parenting.  I read books and forums and listened to advice (a lot of it unsolicited). I took what made sense to me and painted a beautiful picture in my head of how our pregnancy, birth and family would work. What a shame my baby didn’t care about my plans. LOL!  She hadn’t read all of the books and forums that said she should be head down for birth, that she should feed enough for my supply to be plentiful instead of sleeping all day, that she should want to be carried in a sling and cuddle up to mummy for a sleep. She didn’t care for any of these things much at all. She was breech with one leg tucked underneath and one leg up around her ears so our natural birth went out the window, despite every effort to turn her around. She much preferred to sleep than eat and so my “demand feeding” plan went up in smoke, she hated the sling and preferred to sleep on her own. I was devastated. Which brought me to my next very important lesson.

LESSON 3- IN THE MOTHERHOOD, DITCHING YOUR PLAN MAY BE YOUR MOST TRIUMPHANT SUCCESS AND YOUR FAILURE MAY BE HOLDING ON TO IT FOR TO LONG.

 

I worked out that going with the flow and letting my baby lead me to an extent but within reason, always turned out better than the most well thought out plans. 

  · Our natural birth, turned C-section, was beautiful and family centred, not at all like what I’d read or people had told me. No dramas, no horrible Obstetricians or Midwives taking my baby away from my husband and me. Just our beautiful baby delivered straight on to mummy’s chest.  Perfect!

     ·Our exclusive breastfeeding journey, became a combination of breastfeeding and formula/ breast milk top ups around 8 weeks until 8 months when my daughter self weaned.  Although the first bottle killed me, it clearly made my daughter extremely happy. J Win!

· She wouldn’t snuggle up for a nap with mummy, but she slept on her own, in her own bassinet/ cot and slept through from around 12 weeks (with a sneaky dream breastfeed). Another win!

Her plans, worked much better for us than mine did! Haha! But sometimes, now she is older, she does have to fit in with the rest us to an extent.  Co-operation and being adaptable for the good of the entire family, I figure, is an important thing to learn. With this, I lead in to the next lesson.

LESSON 4- YOU’RE GOING TO GET JUDGED BY EVERYONE WHO ISN’T YOU. TRUST YOURSELF AND JUST DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

 

It’s sad but true. The motherhood is full of judgement. Most are smart enough to at least keep it to themselves, actually, who am I kidding, plenty are not.  No matter how you chose to parent your child, there will always be someone who will think that you are damaging them for life………avoid these people as much as possible.  Every single parent and child has a unique situation.  Be brave mumma and do what’s right for your family, despite what others may think.  Try to remember, people usually judge out of their own insecurities.  You know your baby and your family.  Nobody else does.  I’ve learnt to surround myself with other fabulous, inspirational mummy friends that love and support me.  Kick the others to the curb.

Which brings us to the last (but not the final) lesson.

 

LESSON 5 – EMBRACE YOUR IMPERFECTION.

 

I’m learning to embrace my own imperfection.  There is no such thing as the perfect parent and who wants to be perfect anyway? Perfection is boring.  What can you possibly learn from it? The most valuable learning comes from mistakes and choices that are less than perfect. That’s how we become fabulous! That’s how we teach our children to take life on and strive to be all they can be. Perfection doesn’t do any of those things.  It just sets us up for failure. Embrace your imperfections, use them to become your most fabulous self and set an example for your daughters and sons. Teach them not to be afraid of mistakes by learning from your own.

My 2nd child is due to arrive Earth side any day. I’ve only been a mother for 2 years. I am still learning every day and I’m certainly no expert. I know that lots of people think it’s sad when you’re happy to be ‘just a mum’ or your life becomes all about your children, but I will never apologise for that. My daughter has taught me more about life in the last 2 years than I’d learnt in all the years prior to her arrival. Not just about motherhood, but about myself. The joy that has come in to my life is remarkable.  Not just because I’m a mother, but from every angle of my life. I’m fulfilled, I’m happy, I’m brave, and I’ve become more than I have ever been before. 

  So a word of warning to all of the new mummies, all of the mummies who are struggling, who are afraid and who are doubting themselves………..if you MUST prepare for something, prepare to become more than you have ever been before…….the rest is just free-styling. J

       
If you would like to be a guest poster for The Mama Files, please shoot me an email at buffybrassil{at}hotmail{dot}com.

xx

 

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