Someone asking you what your greatest achievement is, is kind of a tough question. Or maybe it’s not? Maybe you have one defining, huge-o achievement that immediately springs to mind. When the ladies of The Lounge put this question to me, I was kinda stumped. Not because I don’t feel like I’ve achieved anything but because I’m just not sure I have one huge, life defining achievement. Don’t be sad, there are many things I have achieved that I am super happy fun proud of. I have 2 degrees, a happy and very long relationship and marriage (though, Spouse may say remaining out of the big house for homicide is his greatest achievement), our Smushy, excellent travels, a great career, extremely good friendships and so on. These are all good things; very, very good things. But I do not define myself by any single one of them. What I mean is, I am not just a teacher, or a mother or a wife or friend. I am not an academic. (Christ, no. I spent most of my degree downing tequila shots and chips and gravy in the Uni bar) I have overcome depression, time and time again but I am not just a survivor of that. All these little achievements make up me. The thing is, I’m not done. Not long ago, I thought I was. I thought, well OK, everything is now over and you had a good shot and oh looky, you did some good things but…done.
But the truth is, I’m not done. I feel different lately. What’s it called? Oh yeah, optimistic. That’s the one. Whatever is around the corner, whatever it is, it’s good. And I’m ready.
So here, in the words of Buffy, the greatest female heroine to ever grace the face of this planet, is summed up far better than I could ever express; just how I feel….
Because— OK, I’m cookie dough. I’m not done baking. I’m not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I’m gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day I turn around and realize I’m ready. I’m cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat— uh, or enjoy warm, delicious cookie me, then…that’s fine. That’ll be then. When I’m done.