I always thought I’d have 3 or 4 kids. A big family was what I thought I wanted. (I also thought I would call them Kyleee, Rickeee and Tina.) But time passed, feelings changed and the wanting to even have one baby didn’t hit me until I was over 30. Once Addison arrived, I was so incredibly shocked with what had just occurred birth wise that the mere thought of ever doing that again did not cross my mind. In fact, I actively sought to not even consider thinking about it. Our lives had altered so fiercely I was just trying to keep afloat and come to terms with how everything had changed.
Time has marched on, and things have settled into a very nice rhythm. It’s easier now to predict her reactions, wants and needs. It’s also easier to accept the madness and know that what happened this week probably won’t happen next week. We live in a constant state of sleep deprivation (yes, she’s back to waking…) but we are so happy and in love with her and each other.
However life will never be the same as before. No matter what you do or do not, it will never be the same as it was. Which is why I’m so reluctant to go again. Because how it is now, like this…I love it. Right now, I don’t want to go back and do it all again. I am good with the here and now. There is a predictability and flow to our lives that I’m not ready to give up. Not now, maybe not ever.
Plus, and I’m being honest here, I kinda wanna you know, get my body all fit like. And reclaim my boobs. And travel. And work for a while. And Addison. I want to be with her. I love being with her. And Spouse. We love each other’s company and don’t get enough us time.
So whilst everything has altered, I am still me. And I have the right to claim that, the ownership over me. Over my life.
And because of this, the way I feel, some people cannot cope. Apparently I’m selfish. Selfish for not wanting more. For not ensuring I provide a less than 2 year age gap. For not having more whilst I’m still young. For the apparently dreadful thought that Addison could be a , gasp! Only child. (FTR, she would be our child, not an only child. Our one child.)
Jesus H Christ. Firstly it was the when are you having one pressure. Now it’s the when are you having more pressure. Not to mention, why, for cereal, do people care that much about what crazy old me does or doesn’t do? Also
why is it people who are so far removed from your life that demand these things of you?
Some people (climate change enthusiasts especially) might say I’m actually very un-selfish. For you know, not adding to the world’s overpopulation. Or like, not having a child because someone told me to and then regretting said child. And I never said, I wouldn’t change my mind. For a while, I thought I might like to have another next year. But then these really cheap flights to NYC came up and well, yeah, we’re going to NYC. So I’m not ruling it out. I’m just saying that whatever we decide, it’s our decision and our business. And if we decide to stay a family of three, then so be it. Anyone who doesn’t like it, can go take a very long walk off a very short pier.
Just not Santa Monica Pier, cause I don’t want our trip to L.A ruined.