The Mama Files {Daisy Chains}

This week’s Mama Files is brought to you by the lovely Deb of Home Life Simplified. Deb has written a great post about how life as a Mum isn’t always what you imagined it would be. I can certainly identify with that! Thank you for sharing your story Deb! xx 
I’ve always wanted to be a mother. Like many little girls (my own included) I dreamed up names and ideal scenarios for my future children. In my fantasy I had a boy followed by twin girls.

I had my first daughter and soon realised I had no idea about the reality of being a parent. I had never gotten beyond the fantasy stage.

What an eye opener.

I had my girls 19 months apart, battled Post Natal Depression and anxiety, moved house a handful of times including an interstate move with a 3 1/2 year old and an almost 2 year old.

I always imagined as a mother I would be caring for these little people, teaching them, nurturing them and helping them grow. In my mind I would just know what to do and all would be beautiful and full of love and daisy chains.
The reality is this:

I love my girls, I care for them, teach them, nurture them and help them grow – just as I imagined – except that it does not end there.

I have no idea what I am doing most of the time.

They teach me more than I teach them.

I am vulnerable all the time – exposed, raw and emotional.

I am terrified of failing them.

I need them as much as they need me.

While we have yet to make daisy chains, we have laughed, cried, yelled, cuddled, read books, lived our lives side by side, imperfectly perfect and fumbling along the way. I never knew I would be so utterly flying blind as a mother. I assumed my instincts would be there and always be right.
I have instincts, but that fear of failing them rises up and tries to paralyse me.

Everyday it is a fight to trust myself and my instincts and then to know that even when I am wrong I am not failing them – I am learning with them.

I don’t need to know everything and it’s okay to make mistakes – there will be many.

Above all else I am a good mother simply because I love them as much as humanly possible.

If you would like to be a guest poster for The Mama Files, please shoot me an email at buffybrassil{at}hotmail{dot}com.

xx

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