Certifiable {Unhappy Endings}


Do you attract crazy people? Are you the type of person who, when walking down the street minding their own business is always singled out by the hairy, yelling lunatic? Weird phone calls, chain letters, awkward silences…is that you?

Yeah me too.

And before anyone gets all up in my grills about discussing crazy people, I’ll have you know I’m completely certifiable. If you know me in person, you’ll know what I mean.

You see, on Monday I received perhaps the 10th phone call requesting massage service and/or services. That’s right. I always have some sleazy dude, stammering and ummming his way through an introduction until I cut him off (haaaaaaa…) with a vicious rebuttal. (Haaaaaaaa….) At this point, there’s either a stammered apology or very quick ending of phone call. (Haaaaaa…) The last dude got a very firm (haaaaaa….) request for information regarding my number. Turns out the lady of the night’s digits are one off mine. Guess in all the excitement (haaaaaa…), digits get mixed up.

 I’m not surprised though, that this is happening to me. Because shit like this always happens to me. One time, I had an extremely irate girlfriend call my mobile demanding to know why I was sleeping with her boyfriend. I had to spend 45 minutes telling her I wasn’t who she thought I was and then counselling her on what to do. The next day I got about 3 phone calls from her crazy ass friends threatening to beat me up. Thankfully, wrongs were righted and she called again to apologise for over zealous (and downright mental) friends.

In Haunted Houses, the actors always pick on me. People who are slightly wayward always come to me on the street. (Despite actively avoiding eye contact as advised by my mother.) On Public Transport, talkers always talk to me. I asked Spouse why.

He says it’s because they’ve found a kindred spirit in me.

I’m not sure that’s applicable to the massage service though.

I wonder how much she’s charging an hour.


3 thoughts on “Certifiable {Unhappy Endings}

      1. Travelling Macs

        I too attract this type of thing . On my mobile I once received a text from an unknown “I’m on my way home from work now , do you still need me to get cardboard? (or words to that effect). I replied politely stating that the wrong number had been texted. The reply came back in capitals. ‘You think I don’t know my own kid’s number? Do you want the cardboard or not?” (or words to that effect). I chose to end things there with a reply text…No thanks 🙂 . I’m guessing some house that night had an angry parent making a return trip to the shops and completing a school project .


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