{On Security Lemons and being Overwhelmed…}

I am so overwhelmed by life currently.

{Let me quickly interject here though and say yes, I am of course grateful for my life and children and Netflix and all that. I am aware I have an awesome life full of awesome people and gosh darn it I wouldn’t change it for the world. I have to put this little disclaimer here though because if I don’t, invariably someone will come at me, screeching that I’m being an ungrateful bitch and that I shouldn’t be expressing my whelm.}

So now that’s out of the way, holy fuck I’m so overwhelmed. I feel like Apu, buzzing round the quick-e-mart thinking I’m a hummingbird, delirious from sleep deprivation and stress. Life is manic right now and I long for a moment of stillness. I’m on a 24/7 roster at the moment and I can barely keep up. I mean, we haven’t even watched the Riverdale season finale yet.

I never expected this pace you know? Remember when you’re pregnant and a queen at your baby shower, and you smile and nod at these silly people talking about sleep deprivation and fussy eaters and dummy fairies and remembering permission slips and readers and all this other twaddle that won’t ever affect you? Yeah. Fuck. Then suddenly you’re 3 kids deep and you haven’t slept more than 3 hours a night for months, you can’t remember the last time you washed your hair, the baby ate some very questionable broccoli from under the couch earlier, you have to be at swimming at 7.45am and your toddler is insisting on carrying a lemon around everywhere as a security item. Why, seriously WHY is there so much to do/worry about/achieve? And I’m not talking about the cleaning and cooking crap. I mean all this superfluous stuff that sucks you dry and leads to hiding in the pantry chocolate binges. Let us go back to the 80s for a second. The glorious 80s, sunshine of my life; the best decade by far and I will fight you if you disagree. I’m fairly sure that Mum, circa 1983 wasn’t worrying about half the stuff we have to. And whilst some of it, like car safety and not hitting the bottle at 8 months pregnant is good; some of this modern parenting palaver is straight shithouse. Social media, I’m side eyeing you dickhead. Lets be honest hey? We have all, from time to time, felt incredibly inadequate thanks to something we’ve seen or read online, parent or not. These pressures are bad, people. They affect you. Today after wrangling the boys into bed, Phoenix with his lemon; I opened Facebook and was greeted with an article telling me the 5 things I shouldn’t say to my kids; (said them all) and then I scroll down to another article declaring that children shouldn’t be eating birthday cake (they ate cake today and it wasn’t anyone’s birthday; within this house anyway). Sigh. Most of the time I can laugh at this white noise click bait. I can push the staged Instagram flat lays and size 2 baby bodies aside. I can roll my eyes at the bullshit sprouted by judgy fuckers. But other days I can’t. And so amongst the mess and chaos and to do lists and security lemons my overwhelm; overwhelms me more as I question my parenting, my decisions and abilities. Have I shown them enough love today? Did they eat well, drink enough water? Did I provide adequate outdoor time, should I do more school prep for Addison? Why did I eat 3 cherry ripe bars? The list goes on. Of course the easy answer would be to go to ground and flick social media, but I like people. Specifically I like my people. And on those days when you have no adult interaction, the old Facebook at least gives you some of that. I think 80s Mum would advise balance. Some days you ignore the online world and other days you don’t. Or can’t.

Apparently stress, anger and I guess overwhelm is caused by the conflict between reality and belief. Once you accept the reality, the difficulty surrounding it begins to subside. Supposedly. I might not have ever believed life would be as chaotic and busy as it is, but the reality is just that. Maybe, just maybe, at the core of all this, is the idea of just going with it. Maybe if I stop rolling around in the stress of it all, maybe it’ll be easier. Who knows?

Alternatively, there’s always wine.

 

One thought on “{On Security Lemons and being Overwhelmed…}

  1. Nat

    The internet is both fabulous and a total dick at the same time. Three kids is fucking tough (well I assume cause I get overwhelmed by one) and you are doing an awesome job of it.

    PS – I wish my child was attached to a lemon. Her newest thing, and I quote ‘sometimes Mum, I like to pull off a bandaid and if it isn’t too dirty I pull it out so it makes and tail and pretend it is a puppy I drag around’ – seriously. Why?

    Reply

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